I'm fucked in the head

I'm not sure what's going on with me.  Maybe it's too much sugar or maybe too little exercise, but I'm not feeling it at all.  At the risk of throwing a pity party here are some song lyrics that represent what's going through my head.  It ain't pretty.

"Whomsoever I've cured//I've sickened now.  And whomsoever I've cradled//I've put you down."
"I'm only faking when I get it right."
"How would I know//that this could be my fate?"
"Cause I'm a piece of shit, it ain't hard to fuckin' tell."
"All my life I been considered as the worst."
"I want to leave, I swear to God I feel like death is fuckin' callin' me."
"I set off running//to wake from the dream."
"I begged their forgiveness//I wish I was dead."
"I prayed for God's mercy."
"Slowly drowning through my own abuse//Nothing changes anymore."
"Thought I'd taste the freedom long ago//Not the man I was before."
"Dragged down by the undertow."
"The bitterness and disgust that is me//If you choose to reach out to lend to me//I'll chew off your hand."
"I'm not beggin' for your fuckin' change//I'm just beggin' for a fuckin' change."
"I am once was//that is me."
"I believe I can see the future//Cause I repeat the same routine."
"I think I used to have a purpose//But then again//That might have been a dream."
"I can't remember how this got started//But I can tell you exactly how it will end."